Two week retrospective

I would have thought that I would have been able to focus strictly on my business these past two weeks, and regardless if I get offered a job or not it wouldn't really bother me, but in actuality between Debbie working , and the prior week when I was studying acoustics, I kind of got out of my grove, and it's been hard for me to focus back on the business.

Each subsequent day past the interview I've been focusing more on business development, yet in the back of my mind I've been expecting to hear back from the interview a little more, with the net result of a constant distraction in the back of my mind.

It has been nice to see God moving in the whole situation though. For the last few years, God has seemed to be in the habit of working not so apparently and plainly when it has come to major life changes, or perhaps it's just that I haven't been listening too, I'm not sure. I'm not saying this has been a bad thing, it's actually stretched me and helped me grow.

For instance, when Debbie and I were trying to get pregnant last year with Elliana, I never got a peaceful feeling like we were going to get pregnant, but more of a long silence. Previously in life it's seemed that God's given me a heads up on how things were going to work out, which has eased the situation. But coming face to face with the prospect we might never have children actually made me stronger, and grow deeper in my faith, so I appreciate God not giving the ending away to me.

But back to the current job situation, a few weeks ago after church when I was really wondering what direction God was going to take my career, a friend of ours came up and talked to me for 20 minutes about a similar situation he was in. He changed career paths from an engineering career to one completely not using his degree, and he shared how God had really blessed his life as a result. This was encouraging to hear not just as an engineer, but also because I could see God was using him to tell me not to worry.

And last night, our neighbor who I've only spoken with once before came over and struck up a conversation about my job. He works at the place I interviewed at and he said he thought he saw me interviewing there a few weeks back, and thought it would be great if we could carpool together.

So that was encouraging too. Of course, if I don't get the job, I guess I'll just have to blame God for leading me on and tormenting me with false hope, but for the time being, I'm going to give Him credit for more out of the blue encouragement. ;-)

So I'll just have to see what the next few days hold. One final observation is that I don't seem to be as confident that if I don't get the interview that it's just because there's a better plan out there for me. I'll probably wonder what I could have done different. Maybe if I would have answered a question differently, or had a higher GPA, or worked harder during my career.

I'm not exactly sure why my mindset has shifted since I left Harman and was totally confident things were going to work out completely fine. Maybe it's a subtle philosophical shift I'm having. Like the guy who smokes 6 packs of cigarettes a day and wonders why God gave him lung cancer. That one clearly seems to fall on the shoulder of the chain smoker, but how about the guy who decides to drive when he's dead tired, falls asleep at the wheel, and gets in a bad accident? Then let's say he wrecks his car, he has a nagging health problem, but looking back on his life he sees it as a turning point where things actually got better. Was it God's intent that he have that accident, or did the guy make a stupid mistake and God had to go to a plan B and bless him anyway? I used to lean towards it was God's will, but now I think I'd probably call it plan B.

So I guess in a way I feel like the guy driving his car late and night all sleepy. For quite a few years in my career I kind of drifted along, and then about 4 years ago I decided to find my purpose. If I get the job I'm interviewing for, it will seem like a vindication that I'm on the right track. If I don't get it, for the time being, it will feel like perhaps my years of slacking caught up with me, not that God just had a better plan in my life. Hmm...